"Here’s a spicy subject for you: female desire"

"I've unlocked a new level of desire after years of feeling nothing. How can I bring my partner along for the ride?"

Wait, But What? is our weekly advice column for paid supporters. If you’ve got a burning life question (whether it’s how to phoenix out of a dark spot, or how to stand up to a boss who thinks you're just in the room to grab a flat white) drop your question here and we might just answer it!

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Dear Bel,

Here’s a spicy subject for you: female desire. Like a lot of women, my early 20s were marked by a series of sexual encounters where I was mostly trying to appeal to the male gaze and their desire, rather than focusing on my own. I met my now husband a little over 10 years ago, and through the years, I’ve found myself floating away from any sexual desire to the point that I forgot I had any.

Fast forward to last December, where a new friend recommended a smutty book series to me. Once I let go of my book snobbery, I found myself feeling this fire erupting in me. I’ve been wanting to explore those desires with my partner, but I’m starting to worry he’s too vanilla for my kinks.

Am I to be sexually unsatisfied for the rest of my life? How can I bring him to satisfy me while also respecting his comfort and boundaries????

Dear Mills and Boon,

Zomg. What a topic.

Pour yourself a glass of house malbec, slip on a Sade Spotify Radio playlist, pull on a soft pant and fkn pull the blinds.

We have to figure this one out for all of humanity’s sake.