I fucked up (again) 😳
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FIRST OF ALL, AN APOLOGY (and a hilarious one too.) Yesterday, as a LOT of you noticed, this accidentally happened:
It's honestly one of the most hilarious mistakes I've made in this newsy (and there continue to be MANY) but I thought I'd better clear it up (and give Danny Devito his chance to shine because his tweet was low key iconic):
I apologise to everyone involved (namely Keke Palmer and Danny Devito), and if you want to hear how a bunch of other celebrities reacted to the overturning of Roe V Wade, you should listen to this episode of Culture Vulture!!
Bel Chimes In: On Using Exclamation Marks!!
Yesterday was a bad day for one Donald Trump
Ghislaine Maxwell Sentenced to 20 Years in Prison
Douyin, but with subtitles
Billie and Finneas can vote at the Oscars if they want
Is an icecream cake icecream or a cake?
Bel Chimes In: On Using Exclamation Marks!!
This section is written by my crush, the refreshing-as-a-house-chardonnay-on-a-steamy-day, Bel Hawkins. You should check out more of her beautiful words here.
So nice to see here you again! Yikes, I've been feeling so bleak after everything that's unfolded in America over the last week. How do we make hope a kite we keep flying? I wish I had all the actions and answers for you (but you know what? Luce is your absolute angel for that!). But your stories over the last week have been mostly triumphant, which I love — more of that, please. More shattering this god damned glass ceiling in every which way possible.
This week I'm indulging in another one of my funny, dumb work stories about being a woman in the world, then I'll bring you other wanderings in weeks to come (on that note - if there's anything you'd love a Chime about - let me know! You know what to do).
OK WHERE WERE WE? OH YEAH, HERE...
INTERNAL. AN OPEN-PLAN OFFICE DOWN AN ALLEYWAY GOOGLE MAPS IS UNABLE TO RELIABLY LOCATE. A PINBALL MACHINE FLASHES IN THE CORNER. OLD BEER SIGNS FLICKER THEIR LIGHTS ON AND OFF. MUSIC FESTIVAL PARAPHERNALIA IS SCATTERED EVERYWHERE. BOSS MAN LEANS BACK ON HIS ERGONOMIC CHAIR, HIS COWBOY BOOTS HITCHED ONTO THE COMMUNAL DESKSPACE. MUMFORD AND SONS PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND.
BOSS MAN: [scrolling through his phone, refusing to make eye contact]. So, Festival's in two weeks. I've been feeling like our marketing needs a little more pizaz. You know? Coachella. It needs to feel like Coachella. But... like, if Gwenyth Paltrow ran it. Yeah, Gwenyth, and then like an edgy rock vibe. Total place to bliss out but also cut loose, you know?
WOMAN: [Glances up and notices the sign 'MAN CAVE' hangs from a roofing beam above him. Wow. How did I not notice that when I took this contract? she thinks].
Okay...
BOSS MAN: So, [he swings his legs off the desk, clearing space for Woman to put her laptop]. I went and saw our company psychic this morning. He had some really great insights that I'd love to action across all our marketing work immediately.
WOMAN: A company psychic?
BOSS MAN: Yup, great guy. Realllly knows his stuff. I actually wish I'd gotten him to advise on your work from the start now that I think about it...
He throws back the last of his coffee, then basketball shoots it into the bin, it bounces off the rim.
Went to see him at dawn for a cacao ceremony and a reading. And look, his advice was really simple and to be honest, I'd actually been thinking the same thing.
WOMAN: [inhales deeply and silently and wonders for a second if she is in a mockumentary about what it is to be a woman and be working and be alive] What was it?
BOSS MAN: There're waaaay too many exclamation marks in our marketing copy. Like — we need to totally get rid of them. It's not resonating with women. Cut cut cut. Ladies don't use them at all! It's for young girls! We don't need to be yelling all the time! They don't talk like that — and this I know for a fact.
As though a sign from God herself, WOMAN'S phone buzzes with a quick-fire series of notifications from her all-female group chat affectionately named 'the boys'. Strings of !!!!s accompany plans for this weekend in simple, affectionate messages. Drinks! Mine! Miss you! Me too! Love you! Hot hot hot! Can't wait to see you!
WOMAN: Um, OK. What about this?
WOMAN turns her phone screen towards BOSS MAN to show him the message thread.
BOSS MAN: Well, you're obviously the exception aren't y —
BOSS MAN's phone rings and he immediately holds up his hand to signal not to say another word. Years later WOMAN will start writing for a fellow woman in arms who sets the world alight with her amazing ability to connect! With! Humans! Including! Women! with her infectious lust for life and — you guessed it — use of exclamation marks. The cream always rises to the top.
[That one's for you, Luce!!! X]
Yesterday was a bad day for one Donald Trump
In case you missed it (it'd be easy to, considering all the other bullshit America is up to atm), the Jan 6 hearings are still going on in the states to see whether we can convict the cheeto for his actions during the insurrection. Yesterday tho, yesterday's testimony was wild...
Here's Squish's take on it:
Cassidy Hutchinson, a 26-year-old former Trump Staffer, has been lifting the lid on some of the unhinged shit Trump and his boys were doing on the day of the insurrection. She’s not just any old staffer either, she was close enough with key members of the squad (like Trump's chief of staff Mark Meadows, security official Tony Ornato, and national security adviser Robert O’Brien) that she referred to them by their first names. Meadows, in turn, called her “Cass,” in her retelling of one story. Anyway, here are some of the bombs she dropped.
First, he wanted rid of security checkpoints:
She said that she was close enough to Trump at one point to hear him demand that attendees not be screened so that they could fill the crowd, saying, “I don’t effing care that they have weapons. They’re not here to hurt me.”
Second, he got in an altercation with a driver:
Hutchinson also told of a remarkable conversation with Ornato (the security official), where Ornato said that Trump believed he was going to be allowed to go to the Capitol, and that when he got into the presidential car and was told no, Trump had a “very angry” response. “I’m the f*** president, take me up to the Capitol now,” Trump supposedly said, and then tried to reach for the front of the car to grab the wheel. Which is an incredible visual. Something out of the movies. Could you imagine seeing an actor portraying that???
And then there was the ketchup.
Apparently ketchup was smeared on the wall, and plates were smashed as a result of Trump’s reaction to his attorney general publicly refuting his claims of fraud in the election. Trump had literally thrown his lunch against the wall. Since ketchup was involved, I can only imagine it was some sort of kiddie meal, maybe dino nuggets. Cassidy didn't testify where Trump threw his juice box.
It's Luce again now, and what a fucking CHILD that man is. ugh. Can't wait for you to hear Squish and I talk about this in The Shit Show tomorrow!
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Ghislaine Maxwell Sentenced to 20 Years in Prison
So last year, a jury found Ghislaine Maxwell guilty of on five of the six counts brought against her: one count of sex trafficking a minor, one count of sex-trafficking conspiracy, and three counts of conspiracy regarding transporting minors with intent of illegal sexual activity.
Yesterday, she finally received her sentence: "Up to 20 years in prison and a $750,000 fine — more than the 15 to 19 years Maxwell’s attorneys had requested but less than the 30 to 55 years prosecutors wanted."
Billie and Finneas can vote at the Oscars if they want!
Yep! After their Oscar win for 'No Time To Die' both Billie and Finneas are two of the 397 new members officially invited into the Academy! Very #swag for them.
Douyin, but with subtitles
This is extremely nerdy and extremely interesting (and shoutout to Ryan from Garbage Day for putting me onto this) - it’s a Tumblr dedicated to showcasing and subtitling Douyin videos. What is Douyin?? It’s China’s TikTok, and it’s got even bigger influence than our version of TikTok. If this interests you then you should check it out here!
Is an ice-cream cake ice-cream or cake?
47% say cake
53% say ice cream
... it's definitely ice cream.
Help to feed a Kiwi kid for a week, for only $15! (Our partnership with KidsCan)
Travis Barker Has Been Hospitalized (Vulture)
Gen Z TikTokers Are Making Cash Cool Again (Bloomberg)
Our Love Island Debrief (Culture Vulture)
Celebrities react to Roe V Wade Being Overturned (Culture Vulture)
No, Your Robot Is Not A Sentient Being (The Shit Show)
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