"I think I'm queer but...I've never actually dated a woman?"

Where tf do I start?!?!

Wait, But What? is our weekly advice column for paid supporters. If you’ve got a burning life question (whether it’s how to phoenix out of a dark spot or how to stand up to a boss who thinks you're just in the room to grab a flat white), drop your question here, and we might just answer it!

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Bellll help. I’m in the process of trying to figure out my queer journey. My gut tells me that if I think I am, I am, and that if I have queer thoughts about women, then I probably am queer in some way.

But I struggle with calling myself bi because I have never dated a woman. I also don't know how to go about trying to date women — I need to date one to see how I feel about it, but who would want to be a guinea pig?

I also have a conservative family and live in a more conservative part of the country, so I don't even know if I would ever share all this with my family. I need help making sense of all this!

Dear in flux,

I wanted to do you so right by this answer because this is a complex, political, social, identity whirlwind that deserves the best advice in town.

So, I turned to the sage experience of my friend, who’s literally just been through this herself, and kindly offered her experience, sexy wit and sharp truths to help you on your way <3.

Here’s what she had to say: