not your mothers inauguration analysis
giving you the trump coverage you deserve
First of all, hi to the 20 THOUSAND NEW ANGELS who’ve joined us since TikTok was banned and then unbanned. It’s so gorge to have you here in a space where we are not only free to say what needs to be said, but that hopefully won’t be taken away from us in some sort of political game of rob the nest!
I’m Luce, I’m from New Zealand, and I am your friendly news reader/ reporter/ sometimes comedian. Oh, and I love you (especially if you become a paying supporter to help me continue doing this as my job!!!)
Sometimes we have to do things that we don’t want to do. We go to the dentist. We take our cars to get serviced. We do the dishes.
And, on days like today, if you’re me, we write about Trump.
As we know, I’m not here to write about shit you DON’T care about, so this morning I asked you about the kind of content you actually wanted from me regarding the inauguration:
You responded, and the majority of you said you wanted memes mixed with a little bit of analysis (which is what I do best) so I am happy to oblige. I also loved this suggestion:
Anyway, here’s the coverage you want, and the coverage you deserve, because, well, I love you.
I woke up this morning, slightly hungover in a hotel room in San Francisco. Immediately, I turned on the TV and flicked through channel after channel of inauguration day coverage. This is all a bit special to me because:
I’m from New Zealand so it’s crazy that I’m here at such a time
At home I don’t have a TV in my room
After watching the guests enter (and the tech bros take the front fucking row) I wandered downstairs to the lobby where it was playing on an even bigger screen. I grabbed a coffee, and watched the address.
Key takeaways from the address:
Trump started his speech off by saying "the golden age of America begins right now.”
He spoke about the assassination attempt against him saying: “I was saved by God to make America great again.”
He said that the position of the federal government is that there are “only two genders.”
He confirmed that he would change the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America.
He said that Denali, the highest mountain peak in North America, would be renamed Mount McKinley.
About the Panama Canal he said, "we're taking it back."
He said he would declare a national emergency at the southern border.
He said he’d reinstate the "Remain in Mexico" policy and end catch-and-release, the practice of detaining and then releasing migrants.
He’s gonna send troops to the border to ‘repel’ the ‘invasion.’
Oh, and he wants to put a U.S. astronaut on Mars.
Key takeaways from the inauguration itself:
Elon hit us with a fucking Nazi salute
Melania wore a strategic hat so she wouldn’t have to kiss Trump:
Bernie Sanders absolutely did not want to be there:
AOC wasn’t there because she “doesn’t celebrate rapists”
The bros showed up and I loved this from the BBC: “Is it possible to fit the entire "manosphere" on a single bus? Probably not, but if there was a time to try, it was the 2025 Trump inauguration.”
Zuck had wandering eyes:
And finally, some other memes I like:
See you tomorrow for some more news, but hopefully a bit less Trump!
this is the first ive read from you and i am OBSESSED. tysm for your service!
I lived on the Gulf of Mexico side of Florida. It will remain as such.