the insanity of corporate email etiquette

+ all the things I learned about returning supermarket trolleys yesterday, & is Shakira evading tax again?

shit you should care about

and

Bel Hawkins

Sep 27, 2023

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I’m so deep in Lisbon time that I shit you not - I almost forgot to send this out. Between celebrating five years yesterday, navigating a new city and planning for the launch of something very spesh soon, it’s been HECTIC (in the best way of course.)

In a crazy turn of events, Bel and I are off to FRANCE tomorrow to watch the All Blacks play Italy (we keep joking that we’re entering our jock era - and we did this before Taylor Swift.) We’re actually going to be there with gorg newsy reader Lauren, a constant reminder of the crazy doors this cute space has opened up for us/ the people we get to meet! Naturally, we’ll be taking you along for the ride as I have never been to France (have I mentioned I’d never been to Europe before moving to Lisbon?) and I have no idea what to expect out of a Rugby World Cup game.

Oh - and on the total flip side of it all - thank you to everyone who sent through drain unclogging tips (and there were a LOT of you), I’m happy to report that we have a fully draining shower again! Hallelujah!

We’re still giving 20% off a year’s subscription to celebrate 5 years of this thing!!! If you wanna know our secrets early, get added to Close Friends, join the book club AND get Bel’s weekend newsletter, then you should totally come and join us!

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All the things I learned about returning supermarket trolleys yesterday
Bel Chimes In: On the insanity of corporate email etiquette
Six young people take 32 countries to court in unprecedented case
Shakira has been accused of tax crimes, again

All the things I learned about returning supermarket trolleys yesterday

So yesterday I put up a mundane poll that, like usual, turned out to be NOT mundane at all and actually a reflection on human nature. The question was simple - it was about whether you return your supermarket trolley when you’re finished using it, or whether you just leave it where it is. The results of the poll were:

And here are my personal findings (and findings from the DMs):

Either most of you are LYING or SYSCA really does have the best followers in the world because the state of the NZ supermarkets tells me that more than 2% of you are leaving them
In Germany, you wouldn’t even dream of not returning them
In some places (like the UK) you put down a deposit of £1, and get it back when you return your trolley
Mums with kids have it tough (ugh, story of their lives) because once the kids are in the car you either have to leave them unattended to return the trolley or get them out and take them with you to return it
Normy returns it at the supermarket but sometimes DOESN’T AT BUNNINGS WAREHOUSE?

I’ve loved this poll and need to get back into my daily poll era, so please comment things you want me to poll the audience on!!!

On the insanity of corporate email etiquette

This section is written by my crush, the refreshing-as-a-house-chardonnay-on-a-steamy-day, Bel Hawkins. She also writes our Sunday newsletter ‘No News is Good News’ which all our paying supporters receive. Upgrade your plan to get her newsy here!

Hi crushes!

Welcome back to another week out here in the world ~ doing it ~.

Luce, Rubes and I are getting closer to a cute stage of our ✨ secret project ✨ we've been baiting you about for nearly a year and can't wait to share an internet spritz with you when we can (SOON! I promise). We think... ur gonna love it.

In other news, and reporting live from this hot, gorge city, I wanted to share with you a list of lol corporate email etiquette phrases that no one knows why we do it, most people hate it, except for extremely gorge Gen Zers who cut right to the chase and don't use it at all (I tip my trilby to you).

I wanna hear your faves/worsts and what you do about them!

THE INSANITY OF CORPORATE EMAIL ETIQUETTE

Nice to e-meet you

Feel like I'm speaking to a chatbot from an airline trying to get a refund on my tickets. It's 2023. The 'e' is unnecessary, no?

As per my aforementioned email

I get it, you're slightly pissed off, and you're being professional about it.

Happy Monday!

It's cute! Best used when you're still hungover/tired from the weekend and trying to hide it. But honestly tho, just stop.

Sorry for my late reply! (it's been either a day or 3.75 hours)

You're a Chill Girl trying to Do It All, but let's be honest, it's absolutely not an issue that you have a life and didn't reply immediately and an apology is not necessary.

Whoops! Attachment dropped off

The attachment didn't drop off. You forgot it because you sent it from a bar leaner getting a burger and a beer at Friday lunch, and it's honestly all good.

Fri-yay! / TGIF!

Should be replaced with anything truthful and acerbic-like. Good morning! I can't wait to be lying down with a spritzer in hand in t-minus six hours. Or separating my mind from body as I send this email and think about what I'm going to have for dinner tonight.

Cut through the clutter

Ok, not an email term per-se but my personal j'adore/nemesis of the advertising world and one I think is so funny that it now must be used in my personal life. Such as, “This wine's really cutting through the clutter” or “Bought a great shoe, it's really cutting through the clutter” or “This date really cut through the clutter” ~ use as you wish.~

See you this weekend for another 💌 No News Is Good News 💌 newsy! And if you're a ~ paying subscriber ~ you can come along with Luce on our on our foreign adventure later in the week. It's giving work trip it's giving OOO it's giving whirlwind and likely at points unhinged. Stay tuned! Ily! x

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Six young people take 32 countries to court in unprecedented case

Damn. When I was a kid I was worried about who I was going to sit with at lunch and what movie we were going to watch in social studies next period. Kids these days are taking whole ass countries to court for failing to tackle the human-caused climate crisis.

On Wednesday the European Court of Human Rights will hear an “unprecedented” lawsuit, brought by six young people against 32 European countries, for their role in our current climate crisis (it will also be the first climate case to be filed with the European Court of Human Rights!) The claimants are between 11 and 24 and are all from Portugal, saying that the journey to the hearing started back in 2017, when wildfires burned 500,000 hectares of the country and killed more than 100 people.

Their demand is that the 32 countries, which include the 27 European Union countries plus Norway, Russia, Switzerland, Turkey and the United Kingdom, drastically cut their planet-heating pollution and also force companies headquartered within their borders to cut emissions across their whole supply chains.

As always, I’ll keep you in the loop!

Shakira has been accused of tax crimes, again

Shakira has been charged with 🤗 tax evasion🤗 for the second time, with the Spanish government alleging that she defrauded the state of €6.7m ($7.1m, £5.8m) in 2018.