Freakin love Chappell’s takes and blunt honesty. As someone who has intentionally chosen a child-free life, I agree with her 100%. Idk why folks are surprised that people who are childless don’t necessarily see parenting as a fun or rewarding experience. If we did, why would we choose to not have kids?? If it’s something you want, great! If not, that’s also 100% ok!
Well, the difference would be that Ballerina Farm would intentionally mean that as an insult towards childless mothers, whereas Chappell was merely expressing an observation about her close friends and explanation as to why she doesn’t have kids. But y’all would rather misconstrue every little word she says because you can’t handle an outspoken woman 🤷♀️
I think the difference between you expressing that you don't want kids and Chappell Roan saying she's never met anyone, her quote after the friend part is, “I literally have not met anyone who’s happy, anyone who has light in their eyes, anyone who has slept.”- that's totally different than saying, "me personally I do not want kids. It doesn't look fun. It seems hard, I'm not interested in it" where most parents, moms included would say, "Yes! Don't have kids if you don't want them. 100%" vs saying parents, her friends included, are unhappy because of their kids. Are some parents probably unhappy? For sure. Does it have to do with their kids? I don't know, I'd have to speak to them and have them tell me the cause of their unhappiness is their children. You know what I mean? It all delves into a much deeper and nuanced conversation about how parents (and mothers) roles aren't taken seriously in society and how friendships slowly ebb away once kids enter the picture. She's 100% right about parents being tired though.
* I had to delete because I thought I responded to you and accidentally responded to the entire thing 😂
exactly to this. not wanting children or even disliking children in whole is totally fine and acceptable, but to imply that all who have children are unhappy and lifeless hurt my previous appreciation for her. it’s already really difficult being a mother (albeit by choice); it didn’t make it any easier when an influential person told me i’m “not happy” and have “no light” in my eyes.
Chappell Roan was talking about her experience. She was not talking about your experience. Have you met her? If not, she wasn’t talking about the state of your eyes or mind.
Her experience as a parent? I think maybe you're confusing her perception of her friends and parents as her experience. Like, I could say that my friends with cats hate their cats because they're always complaining about cleaning their litter boxes, the hair they shed, the expensive vet trips, and then randomly peeing in places. That however, would be an assumption made by me. I know my friends with cats love their pets with of all of this included. Not to say pets and children are comparable because they're not.
My best friend had a baby much sooner than me. He's 14 now. Guess what? I love my best friend and wanted to stay in her life and knew that this new baby was a part of her life and so he was a part of mine. She was tired? Hey, let me come over and order us dinner and I'll stay with the baby while you rest. She would call me complaining about a wrap, I'd be online trying to figure out how the fuck to work these impossible wraps and we'd end the call with me telling her fuck that wrap, I ordered you one that is pre-wrapped, you're not a bad mom, these things seem like torture. You want a date night with your husband and your family is busy, I got you and that baby. I'm not his aunt by blood but I love him and I love her. He's being a little shit head to you because he's a preteen and hates his parents? Send him to my house I just bought, I can put him to work, give you guys space, and tell him to take it easy on his mom. I never once thought my friend was in hell or miserable. I did however, see how she was maturing as a mother and woman, how her heart had changed, the toll motherhood took on her, and how long it took her to find her new self in this new stage of life. I'm so proud of her and the work her husband and her put into that little boy who will soon be a man. She prepped me for my journey with my children and that's just my friend. A good friend and a good family support system makes all of the difference. No, I do not know Chappell Roan, but I've got a perception of her. Just as any of us who do not personally know her do. We know no celebrities personally.
Yeah, on the internet it's either 100% this way or 100% that way with no room for nuance and grey space in between on a lot of issues. Not everything but enough that impacts people who are online. The beautiful and refreshing part is, if you go out locally, most parents have no idea what Chappell Roan said. Most of us don't care either but it is harmful language to use against parents- to imply the child is the cause of the unhappiness. People in positions of power/ celebrities really need to be careful with what they speak out into the world and how. Not wanting children is chill. Saying her friends and people are unhappy because of their kids/ lost their light is damaging. Then gaslighting us into thinking we misconstrue or take things out of context is even worse.
Her full quote for context is "All of my friends who have kids are in hell. I don’t know anyone — I actually don’t know anyone — who’s, like, happy and has children at this age. I literally have not met anyone who’s happy, anyone who has light in their eyes, anyone who has slept.” - That second part is a generalization and it's what is the issue, I think. I think I get what she was trying to say and her clarifying would be helpful but also, she doesn't owe anyone an explanation.
yeah - the generalization in the second portion of the quote is what struck my mind in a painful way. i appreciate your intelligently and kindly offered explanation, Esa!
I appreciate that she said it. I love my son and raising my son but it's super hard and can be miserable. For me, the good wins overall but some day's the work is tough and I wish more people talked about that part.
Seriously?! Who's mad at Chappell? A 50's Lonely and over stimulated housewife?
Oh please, sit down and go take some prescription meds.
I wish more girls/women felt this way. I chose to be a Mommy, but honestly.... it's not for everyone and people should not be so harshly judged for choosing either side.
I chose motherhood and my sister chose career and travel. We both praise and congratulate each other whenever the moment feels right.
Who cares?
We are women. We don't have to do what others expect us to do. WE can do what we want.
Unpopular take here, but as a mom of 4, (ages 28,26, 18 & 17) I have tried to make sure my kids know parenting is HARD and not always rewarding and I will never pressure them to ‘gimme grand babies’. I support what they feel is right for them. One knows they don’t want any AT ALL, one is actively trying with her husband and the other two are waiting to see if the dumpster fire that is America is put out.
Loved every minute of that Chappell podcast. To the people who were unreasonably offended by her child free stance, i guess misery loves company. But that high percent of cow milk drinkers bums me out! Soy milk has all the same fortified nutrients that cows milk has- minus the significant eco and ethical footprints. Not to mention lactose allergies are far more prevalent than soy allergies! But i digress!
Mom of 2 and can confirm there are certainly parts of parenting that is “hell.” Other parts are pretty great but it’s not all sunshine and rainbows.
Major respect and a little jealousy to those that want to remain child free. I wouldn’t trade my kids for the world but I could also use a nap and some free time back. 😆🤪
Love Chappell’s honesty! As a parent to a three year old it is hell (yes, and beautiful too) and it simply shows the dissonance so many mother’s carry and harbor in a society that simply does not support us. It’s much easier to turn it around on yourself (the father, the family, Chappell), than admit that we’re drowning and it not our fault and there’s not a damn thing we can do about it at a societal level.
As someone with two children, people need to leave Chapell the hell alone. She said nothing wrong, and the internet just wants to get mad at her for every opinion she shares. She absolutely should consider how children will impact her life. It’s a huge decision! And not one that I ever took lightly either.
I’m a mum, my kid is the most important person/thing in the world. I love them more than anything. I’d kill for them. And I agree, parenting can be hell. The exhaustion, the constant need to put yourself second, the fear for this little life you are responsible for in a world on fire. The gradual disappearance of the village it takes to raise them. Yes, we love our kids, but it can be so difficult. One thing doesn’t negate the other, and I tell all my younger friends: don’t have kids unless you are sure you want to be a parent. I don’t mean having a cute little baby or kid, many want that, I mean all the things that come with it. And one thing to consider that nobody tells you is: there’s a small chance your kid will need you more than the average child. Having a kid with additional needs can happen to you, too. If you are not ready or willing to face that, don’t have kids. The same if you are not going to love them for who they are, or are going to force them into a path you envision for them, instead of allowing them to be their true selves.
Chappell Roan is just stating truth. Mother's with young kids ARE miserable. And it's ok for them to admit it! You can love your children beyond words AND still be miserable because it's a fuck ton of work caring for them (through no fault of the kid's it's just how it is when they're young and fully dependent on their caretakers, and also probably owing to the fact that the men are not participating in domestic chores and childcare, despite what enlightened societal commentators claim). These Mom's are doing it all at home, doing all of the childcare, AND working full time. Of course they're miserable!
I’m on the higher side of 30 and listening to this my first thought was “Ouch, will her friends hear this and be hurt?” and my other thought was “This is very much the opinion of a 20-something year old.” And I don’t mean to say that her age invalidates her or that she’s wrong. It reminds me of when I was a teen or in my 20s and I thought I had IT figured out, so everything I said was The Truth. I guess I’m Lady Catherine De Bourgh saying “You give your opinion very decidedly for so young a person.” Wait, that’s not who I want to emulate! I take it back!
Parenting is so incredibly difficult. From the moment they're born to even when they're adults and have to start making their own adult choices and you have to stand by and let them. Going into parenting ever thinking it's easy is such a disservice to parents anywhere. Parenting is not easy. It's hard. It's hard work to raise, love, be there for someone who is learning about living as you are also learning about life.
However, it is not hell. It's hard work. It's difficult. You're tired all of the time. Kids get sick and for some reason they always get sick at night. You get sick and you still have to care for them and put your own need aside for them. Parenting is a lifelong thing but you will not be parenting your kids your entire life. The goal is to create children who grow and go out in the world and spread love and light. What is the number one thing parents of fully grown kids tell parents of young kids? "You're going to miss this." "The days are long but the years are short." "This is a moment." We get upset in the moment because that moment is our "whole life" but they're not wrong. One day they won't need us and all we will have are the memories. Guess what? You will remember that you were tired but you won't focus on that. Just like when we give birth. We know it was painful and terrible. We know we had a hard time but that's not the focus. We forget the pain immediately because now we have something so worth it.
If a person doesn't want to have a child, that is beyond okay. No one should have a baby if they don't want to. The choice is so important as well as fully thinking it through. Not all of us are meant to be parents and that is okay. Having the opportunity to discover that is paramount. Saying that everyone you've ever met who has children is unhappy is a generalization that frankly harms parents all over the world. You see the hard work it is, right? You see that parents are tired and doing their best but instead of as a society stepping up, as a friend stepping in to help, you voice how unhappy people and your friends are as parents? Happiness and lack of isn't just from one thing. It is many things that can cause either or. If her friends are unhappy- if her perception of them is that, she's aware it's from their children? They've told her that's what it is? I do suspect it's triggering to moms because of the way friendships are lost after children are born and how a village shrinks at the time when it should be growing, not only for the parents, also foe these children who we so often say are our future. It's not just a loneliness epidemic. It's an I don't give a fuck if I don't get what I want from a relationship, even if I'm aware you're responsible for someone's life now and me, going out, etc aren't your priority anymore. That is the issue.
Freakin love Chappell’s takes and blunt honesty. As someone who has intentionally chosen a child-free life, I agree with her 100%. Idk why folks are surprised that people who are childless don’t necessarily see parenting as a fun or rewarding experience. If we did, why would we choose to not have kids?? If it’s something you want, great! If not, that’s also 100% ok!
but what if the roles were reversed? what if Ballerina Farm accused all childless women of being miserable and living a hellish life?
Well, the difference would be that Ballerina Farm would intentionally mean that as an insult towards childless mothers, whereas Chappell was merely expressing an observation about her close friends and explanation as to why she doesn’t have kids. But y’all would rather misconstrue every little word she says because you can’t handle an outspoken woman 🤷♀️
I think the difference between you expressing that you don't want kids and Chappell Roan saying she's never met anyone, her quote after the friend part is, “I literally have not met anyone who’s happy, anyone who has light in their eyes, anyone who has slept.”- that's totally different than saying, "me personally I do not want kids. It doesn't look fun. It seems hard, I'm not interested in it" where most parents, moms included would say, "Yes! Don't have kids if you don't want them. 100%" vs saying parents, her friends included, are unhappy because of their kids. Are some parents probably unhappy? For sure. Does it have to do with their kids? I don't know, I'd have to speak to them and have them tell me the cause of their unhappiness is their children. You know what I mean? It all delves into a much deeper and nuanced conversation about how parents (and mothers) roles aren't taken seriously in society and how friendships slowly ebb away once kids enter the picture. She's 100% right about parents being tired though.
* I had to delete because I thought I responded to you and accidentally responded to the entire thing 😂
exactly to this. not wanting children or even disliking children in whole is totally fine and acceptable, but to imply that all who have children are unhappy and lifeless hurt my previous appreciation for her. it’s already really difficult being a mother (albeit by choice); it didn’t make it any easier when an influential person told me i’m “not happy” and have “no light” in my eyes.
Chappell Roan was talking about her experience. She was not talking about your experience. Have you met her? If not, she wasn’t talking about the state of your eyes or mind.
Her experience as a parent? I think maybe you're confusing her perception of her friends and parents as her experience. Like, I could say that my friends with cats hate their cats because they're always complaining about cleaning their litter boxes, the hair they shed, the expensive vet trips, and then randomly peeing in places. That however, would be an assumption made by me. I know my friends with cats love their pets with of all of this included. Not to say pets and children are comparable because they're not.
My best friend had a baby much sooner than me. He's 14 now. Guess what? I love my best friend and wanted to stay in her life and knew that this new baby was a part of her life and so he was a part of mine. She was tired? Hey, let me come over and order us dinner and I'll stay with the baby while you rest. She would call me complaining about a wrap, I'd be online trying to figure out how the fuck to work these impossible wraps and we'd end the call with me telling her fuck that wrap, I ordered you one that is pre-wrapped, you're not a bad mom, these things seem like torture. You want a date night with your husband and your family is busy, I got you and that baby. I'm not his aunt by blood but I love him and I love her. He's being a little shit head to you because he's a preteen and hates his parents? Send him to my house I just bought, I can put him to work, give you guys space, and tell him to take it easy on his mom. I never once thought my friend was in hell or miserable. I did however, see how she was maturing as a mother and woman, how her heart had changed, the toll motherhood took on her, and how long it took her to find her new self in this new stage of life. I'm so proud of her and the work her husband and her put into that little boy who will soon be a man. She prepped me for my journey with my children and that's just my friend. A good friend and a good family support system makes all of the difference. No, I do not know Chappell Roan, but I've got a perception of her. Just as any of us who do not personally know her do. We know no celebrities personally.
Yeah, on the internet it's either 100% this way or 100% that way with no room for nuance and grey space in between on a lot of issues. Not everything but enough that impacts people who are online. The beautiful and refreshing part is, if you go out locally, most parents have no idea what Chappell Roan said. Most of us don't care either but it is harmful language to use against parents- to imply the child is the cause of the unhappiness. People in positions of power/ celebrities really need to be careful with what they speak out into the world and how. Not wanting children is chill. Saying her friends and people are unhappy because of their kids/ lost their light is damaging. Then gaslighting us into thinking we misconstrue or take things out of context is even worse.
Her full quote for context is "All of my friends who have kids are in hell. I don’t know anyone — I actually don’t know anyone — who’s, like, happy and has children at this age. I literally have not met anyone who’s happy, anyone who has light in their eyes, anyone who has slept.” - That second part is a generalization and it's what is the issue, I think. I think I get what she was trying to say and her clarifying would be helpful but also, she doesn't owe anyone an explanation.
yeah - the generalization in the second portion of the quote is what struck my mind in a painful way. i appreciate your intelligently and kindly offered explanation, Esa!
I appreciate that she said it. I love my son and raising my son but it's super hard and can be miserable. For me, the good wins overall but some day's the work is tough and I wish more people talked about that part.
actually i’m a huge chappell fan! the talent is inarguable. her opinion on this matter just felt a little hateful.
Seriously?! Who's mad at Chappell? A 50's Lonely and over stimulated housewife?
Oh please, sit down and go take some prescription meds.
I wish more girls/women felt this way. I chose to be a Mommy, but honestly.... it's not for everyone and people should not be so harshly judged for choosing either side.
I chose motherhood and my sister chose career and travel. We both praise and congratulate each other whenever the moment feels right.
Who cares?
We are women. We don't have to do what others expect us to do. WE can do what we want.
WE SHOULD DO WHAT MAKES US HAPPY.
Unpopular take here, but as a mom of 4, (ages 28,26, 18 & 17) I have tried to make sure my kids know parenting is HARD and not always rewarding and I will never pressure them to ‘gimme grand babies’. I support what they feel is right for them. One knows they don’t want any AT ALL, one is actively trying with her husband and the other two are waiting to see if the dumpster fire that is America is put out.
I love this. I love that you shared your truth and then let your kids make their own decisions. Bravo!
I'm convinced a lot of people have just decided to purposely misinterpret Chappell no matter what she says.
Loved every minute of that Chappell podcast. To the people who were unreasonably offended by her child free stance, i guess misery loves company. But that high percent of cow milk drinkers bums me out! Soy milk has all the same fortified nutrients that cows milk has- minus the significant eco and ethical footprints. Not to mention lactose allergies are far more prevalent than soy allergies! But i digress!
Mom of 2 and can confirm there are certainly parts of parenting that is “hell.” Other parts are pretty great but it’s not all sunshine and rainbows.
Major respect and a little jealousy to those that want to remain child free. I wouldn’t trade my kids for the world but I could also use a nap and some free time back. 😆🤪
Love Chappell’s honesty! As a parent to a three year old it is hell (yes, and beautiful too) and it simply shows the dissonance so many mother’s carry and harbor in a society that simply does not support us. It’s much easier to turn it around on yourself (the father, the family, Chappell), than admit that we’re drowning and it not our fault and there’s not a damn thing we can do about it at a societal level.
As someone with two children, people need to leave Chapell the hell alone. She said nothing wrong, and the internet just wants to get mad at her for every opinion she shares. She absolutely should consider how children will impact her life. It’s a huge decision! And not one that I ever took lightly either.
I’m a mum, my kid is the most important person/thing in the world. I love them more than anything. I’d kill for them. And I agree, parenting can be hell. The exhaustion, the constant need to put yourself second, the fear for this little life you are responsible for in a world on fire. The gradual disappearance of the village it takes to raise them. Yes, we love our kids, but it can be so difficult. One thing doesn’t negate the other, and I tell all my younger friends: don’t have kids unless you are sure you want to be a parent. I don’t mean having a cute little baby or kid, many want that, I mean all the things that come with it. And one thing to consider that nobody tells you is: there’s a small chance your kid will need you more than the average child. Having a kid with additional needs can happen to you, too. If you are not ready or willing to face that, don’t have kids. The same if you are not going to love them for who they are, or are going to force them into a path you envision for them, instead of allowing them to be their true selves.
Chappell Roan is just stating truth. Mother's with young kids ARE miserable. And it's ok for them to admit it! You can love your children beyond words AND still be miserable because it's a fuck ton of work caring for them (through no fault of the kid's it's just how it is when they're young and fully dependent on their caretakers, and also probably owing to the fact that the men are not participating in domestic chores and childcare, despite what enlightened societal commentators claim). These Mom's are doing it all at home, doing all of the childcare, AND working full time. Of course they're miserable!
I’m on the higher side of 30 and listening to this my first thought was “Ouch, will her friends hear this and be hurt?” and my other thought was “This is very much the opinion of a 20-something year old.” And I don’t mean to say that her age invalidates her or that she’s wrong. It reminds me of when I was a teen or in my 20s and I thought I had IT figured out, so everything I said was The Truth. I guess I’m Lady Catherine De Bourgh saying “You give your opinion very decidedly for so young a person.” Wait, that’s not who I want to emulate! I take it back!
Parenting is so incredibly difficult. From the moment they're born to even when they're adults and have to start making their own adult choices and you have to stand by and let them. Going into parenting ever thinking it's easy is such a disservice to parents anywhere. Parenting is not easy. It's hard. It's hard work to raise, love, be there for someone who is learning about living as you are also learning about life.
However, it is not hell. It's hard work. It's difficult. You're tired all of the time. Kids get sick and for some reason they always get sick at night. You get sick and you still have to care for them and put your own need aside for them. Parenting is a lifelong thing but you will not be parenting your kids your entire life. The goal is to create children who grow and go out in the world and spread love and light. What is the number one thing parents of fully grown kids tell parents of young kids? "You're going to miss this." "The days are long but the years are short." "This is a moment." We get upset in the moment because that moment is our "whole life" but they're not wrong. One day they won't need us and all we will have are the memories. Guess what? You will remember that you were tired but you won't focus on that. Just like when we give birth. We know it was painful and terrible. We know we had a hard time but that's not the focus. We forget the pain immediately because now we have something so worth it.
If a person doesn't want to have a child, that is beyond okay. No one should have a baby if they don't want to. The choice is so important as well as fully thinking it through. Not all of us are meant to be parents and that is okay. Having the opportunity to discover that is paramount. Saying that everyone you've ever met who has children is unhappy is a generalization that frankly harms parents all over the world. You see the hard work it is, right? You see that parents are tired and doing their best but instead of as a society stepping up, as a friend stepping in to help, you voice how unhappy people and your friends are as parents? Happiness and lack of isn't just from one thing. It is many things that can cause either or. If her friends are unhappy- if her perception of them is that, she's aware it's from their children? They've told her that's what it is? I do suspect it's triggering to moms because of the way friendships are lost after children are born and how a village shrinks at the time when it should be growing, not only for the parents, also foe these children who we so often say are our future. It's not just a loneliness epidemic. It's an I don't give a fuck if I don't get what I want from a relationship, even if I'm aware you're responsible for someone's life now and me, going out, etc aren't your priority anymore. That is the issue.
I wrote a piece on this!
Come give it a read and share your thoughts!
1
Where are the Epstein files?
So just like Luce wrote, 2 truths can coexist. Motherhood is hell AND we need to do a better job of supporting mother's so it isn't so hard.