It does feel like the whole world is descending into chaos and madness. At 75, I've "been here before." The 1960s seemed like the end of the world with Vietnam, white rage everywhere (at least in the Midwest where I lived), and constant atomic war idiocy. The more you know about human history, the more you realize that we've never been a sane animal.
Some people are terrified of being vulnerable, and you're being that everyday which makes you incredibly brave. I hope your body gets the rest it needs after a huge year - remove the added burden of needing to be happy during that rest - and know that the real ones on here will support what supports you.
I think it's really brave of you to be so honest about how you're feeling Luce!! Sending you so much love, and I do hope you find a therapist you feel comfortable talking to. Sometimes it can really help to have someone talk through these big emotions with, and while it won't fix everything, I think it'll help make things a little easier.
Hi Luce, I really feel you on this. I've experienced some of these exact feelings and changes in my life, and for me I chalk it up to my getting older and "wiser". For example, in my earliest 20s, I packed all my belongings into my car and moved from the east coast to the west coast of the US. I spent an entire summer making my way across the country doing all the fun things you do when you're young, have no plan, and are totally stoked about it. My GPS navigated to "California" — not the hotel I was staying in that night (because I slept in my trunk spooning my dog), not the coffee shop with the best reviews and menu that I'd scoured through to find, not the "safest" neighborhood I could stretch my legs in. I didn't have a job or even housing lined up when I got to my final destination. Now, in my early 30s, thinking about all of this kinda freaks me out! Now, I tend to over-plan, over-prepare, over-pack...choosing the places I visit with more care because I'm just not as ~come what may~ as I once was. I'm not as comfortable approaching the unknown with unbridled, doe-eyed spontaneity anymore — I'd rather have an itinerary. Of course, I leave space for the itinerary to shift and evolve because, hey, she's still spontaneous; but I've seen more of the world and experienced more of life, and that's changed me as a person. I guess, as I get older, I'd just rather have at least one foot on the ground than neither.
Adding a bit of perspective, remembering that someday these days will be the good old days, helps me along the way. Here's to tomorrow and all the good life left to live. At age 78 this thought continues to get me out of bed every day!
I’m from the U.K. I’ve lived in Christchurch for the last 12 years, I’ve travelled a bit, I’ve done the brave thing. You’re describing a feeling that has come and gone at most big junctures I’m my life (and I’m sure many others) it’s particularly awful in the present day (as I’m sure this has been part of the human condition always) but now we see it all and can’t un see it. Life is hard and scary a lot of the time. I’ve been looking at something called ‘compassion focussed therapy’/‘compassionate mind training’ I think it would resonate with you and be a wonderful tool for your mental health. I’m in New Brighton if you’re down this way over the summer and need a hug and your cup filled ♥️
I’m only 17 and… I’ve never been fun. I’ve always been too anxiety-riddled to enjoy anything, always thinking about everything that could go wrong and doing my best to prepare for it. I’ve had an emergency bag packed in my closet since I was 12 years old. I go through a ritual every time I leave the house because I tell myself my parents might not be there when I come back. I’m always spiraling about what the point of everything is, of all the time and effort I spend on schoolwork and all the planning I try to do for the future. And I have no idea what I want in life. Where I want to be, who I want to be, what I want to study? No clue. I feel so lost. And now many of my friends have abandoned me. Worst of all I lost my grandpa about a month ago. And somehow this year is still better than last.
I adore and love you for your brutal fucking honesty my friend. Welcome home!!!! You are a brave courageous soul and it’s such a privilege to read what’s happening for you. The REAL stuff. I’m happy knowing you are home and that the grass and mountains and air and birds will heal your heart ❤️😘🥰 Thank you for being you xx
Hi Luce, thanks for sharing this! It's okay to feel this way and I can tell you on how I relate in many ways. The 'wanting to leave the party before arriving' has been challenging for me ever since I got a job where I though would bring me stability, just made me more unstable in certain ways. I have financial freedom but I don't feel free at all. It's the way life is right now and it's okay. Hope you get to touch some grass soon. Much love <3
That description was the most relatable i’ve seen in a while. I know i’ve had these amazing experiences but it’s har when you have to tell yourself you are supposed to be enjoying that experience! Hoping for better things, but understanding things will just be as they are and trying to make the most of that is all we can do, but also, it gets exhausting. Love your newsletters, i always find comfort in your writing, happy holidays and happy new years
I opened substack to share my own reflections of 2023. I'm so feeling this note. It really has been... a year... I'm wishing you the perfect person to digest it and move forward with (therapist, coach, friend, stranger...)
Hey thanks for the truthful and because of that lovely post on your newsy- Firstly - you are loved (and I never say that kinda stuff- but right now you need to hear that ‘cause it’s true and - it’s so enough 😊😊)
Secondly, just don’t do quite so much hun! Keep being super, of course- that’s who you are but maybe take a wee step back, say yeah nah to some things - for the time being - your opportunities will keep flowing
Just for some context I’m twice your age and love the way you can see social/ personal issues, and write so insightfully- I’m in awe and love your newsy
It does feel like the whole world is descending into chaos and madness. At 75, I've "been here before." The 1960s seemed like the end of the world with Vietnam, white rage everywhere (at least in the Midwest where I lived), and constant atomic war idiocy. The more you know about human history, the more you realize that we've never been a sane animal.
Some people are terrified of being vulnerable, and you're being that everyday which makes you incredibly brave. I hope your body gets the rest it needs after a huge year - remove the added burden of needing to be happy during that rest - and know that the real ones on here will support what supports you.
Thank you for writing Luce, and thank you for all your work.
I hope we all get better this year <3
I think it's really brave of you to be so honest about how you're feeling Luce!! Sending you so much love, and I do hope you find a therapist you feel comfortable talking to. Sometimes it can really help to have someone talk through these big emotions with, and while it won't fix everything, I think it'll help make things a little easier.
Feels like my brain, thank you for writing❤️
Hi Luce, I really feel you on this. I've experienced some of these exact feelings and changes in my life, and for me I chalk it up to my getting older and "wiser". For example, in my earliest 20s, I packed all my belongings into my car and moved from the east coast to the west coast of the US. I spent an entire summer making my way across the country doing all the fun things you do when you're young, have no plan, and are totally stoked about it. My GPS navigated to "California" — not the hotel I was staying in that night (because I slept in my trunk spooning my dog), not the coffee shop with the best reviews and menu that I'd scoured through to find, not the "safest" neighborhood I could stretch my legs in. I didn't have a job or even housing lined up when I got to my final destination. Now, in my early 30s, thinking about all of this kinda freaks me out! Now, I tend to over-plan, over-prepare, over-pack...choosing the places I visit with more care because I'm just not as ~come what may~ as I once was. I'm not as comfortable approaching the unknown with unbridled, doe-eyed spontaneity anymore — I'd rather have an itinerary. Of course, I leave space for the itinerary to shift and evolve because, hey, she's still spontaneous; but I've seen more of the world and experienced more of life, and that's changed me as a person. I guess, as I get older, I'd just rather have at least one foot on the ground than neither.
Adding a bit of perspective, remembering that someday these days will be the good old days, helps me along the way. Here's to tomorrow and all the good life left to live. At age 78 this thought continues to get me out of bed every day!
Morena wahine ataahua,
I’m from the U.K. I’ve lived in Christchurch for the last 12 years, I’ve travelled a bit, I’ve done the brave thing. You’re describing a feeling that has come and gone at most big junctures I’m my life (and I’m sure many others) it’s particularly awful in the present day (as I’m sure this has been part of the human condition always) but now we see it all and can’t un see it. Life is hard and scary a lot of the time. I’ve been looking at something called ‘compassion focussed therapy’/‘compassionate mind training’ I think it would resonate with you and be a wonderful tool for your mental health. I’m in New Brighton if you’re down this way over the summer and need a hug and your cup filled ♥️
Such a beautiful entry! I really felt everything you described
I’m only 17 and… I’ve never been fun. I’ve always been too anxiety-riddled to enjoy anything, always thinking about everything that could go wrong and doing my best to prepare for it. I’ve had an emergency bag packed in my closet since I was 12 years old. I go through a ritual every time I leave the house because I tell myself my parents might not be there when I come back. I’m always spiraling about what the point of everything is, of all the time and effort I spend on schoolwork and all the planning I try to do for the future. And I have no idea what I want in life. Where I want to be, who I want to be, what I want to study? No clue. I feel so lost. And now many of my friends have abandoned me. Worst of all I lost my grandpa about a month ago. And somehow this year is still better than last.
I adore and love you for your brutal fucking honesty my friend. Welcome home!!!! You are a brave courageous soul and it’s such a privilege to read what’s happening for you. The REAL stuff. I’m happy knowing you are home and that the grass and mountains and air and birds will heal your heart ❤️😘🥰 Thank you for being you xx
Hi Luce, thanks for sharing this! It's okay to feel this way and I can tell you on how I relate in many ways. The 'wanting to leave the party before arriving' has been challenging for me ever since I got a job where I though would bring me stability, just made me more unstable in certain ways. I have financial freedom but I don't feel free at all. It's the way life is right now and it's okay. Hope you get to touch some grass soon. Much love <3
That description was the most relatable i’ve seen in a while. I know i’ve had these amazing experiences but it’s har when you have to tell yourself you are supposed to be enjoying that experience! Hoping for better things, but understanding things will just be as they are and trying to make the most of that is all we can do, but also, it gets exhausting. Love your newsletters, i always find comfort in your writing, happy holidays and happy new years
I opened substack to share my own reflections of 2023. I'm so feeling this note. It really has been... a year... I'm wishing you the perfect person to digest it and move forward with (therapist, coach, friend, stranger...)
Thank you for sharing all that with us! This might be one of my fav newsies yet 🩷
Take your time - life will move up again - and therapist really do help 😂
First time caller
Hey thanks for the truthful and because of that lovely post on your newsy- Firstly - you are loved (and I never say that kinda stuff- but right now you need to hear that ‘cause it’s true and - it’s so enough 😊😊)
Secondly, just don’t do quite so much hun! Keep being super, of course- that’s who you are but maybe take a wee step back, say yeah nah to some things - for the time being - your opportunities will keep flowing
Just for some context I’m twice your age and love the way you can see social/ personal issues, and write so insightfully- I’m in awe and love your newsy