Normalizing conversations about grief is one of my life's passions. Just got back from my 7th summer volunteering as a counselor at grief camp, which has had a PROFOUND effect on my own grief journey (let alone what I've seen it do for the kids). I can't wait to read more in the book and think it's so brave and wonderful that you are both being vulnerable about your own experiences. xx
I appreciate you for dedicating your time to helping others with grief and would love to hear your recommendation on how I could also volunteer at grief camps!
I lost 4, FOUR, of the people closest to me in my life over the course of a 7 month span. During the entirety of that 7 months I was also 39 and pregnant with my only child. My best friend from 4 year old Pre-K thru being roommates at UGA died first and suddenly when we all thought she was safe. She had has breast cancer and was in official remission then her kids went back to school and as they do they brought home something they caught from other children and because her immune system was still weak from the chemo and radiation she fell very ill quickly and her fever went thru the roof and they could not save her. Then 45 year old sister had a heart attack while in the supply closet at work so no one saw her to save her. Then my 2 besties who were a couple died on the same day and they were a couple and that is too long a story to tell but these events combined with other grief inducing changes beyond my control gave me an unconscious aversion to my entire iPhoto catalog, social media, my email and voice messages. I avoided these things irrationally for years. I believe my body would not allow me to grieve as I normally would have because I was pregnant. I was of course sad, shocked, devastated but I did not weep as much as I wanted to. I could not. It just would not come. After I had my daughter it did come and I could not go to Target because I’d see a random T-shirt and tears would pour out of my face. I literally had to stay home and this was met with much criticism from my mother and a few others who ridiculed me for NOT going out with my infant daughter. The doctor called it postpartum but I knew it was residual grief to my very bones. I allow people as long as they need to grieve and when someone’s friend or sibling or dog dies I tell them the truth, “you will never get over it” because many do not. I didn’t. And that is ok because even though it sucks you will live and that is life. I do not see why we are conditioned to pretend it is or will be ok. I can be “NOT ok” about a death and still be positive in other aspects of my life. These 2 things are not mutually exclusive.
I’m sorry you had to go through all of that unimaginable pain, but I’m proud of you for recognizing your residual grief and for listening to yourself - and I’m happy to hear you on this platform sharing your grief <3 :)
such beautiful ways of keeping someone's memory alive. i think i might steal some of those to honour my gorgeous mum who we lost last year (F1 wasn't her thing though, so not that)
I lost my dad 7 years ago, and I do so many of the same things. When top gun: maverick came out, I sobbed because top gun was his favourite movie and I know he wouldn't have loved rooster. I forced myself into liking rugby by putting it on every time the team/s he loved were playing because I felt close to him. I even played for a season. Every year on his anniversary, I go swim in the ocean no matter what the weather is because he would have hated the fact that I'm not appreciating all the little things that are right in front of me. I save dragonflies that get stuck under my verandah because mum saw a psychic just after he died and the psychic said whenever she saw a dragonfly, that was dad coming to see her.
Those "weird" things are where we put all the love we had for them that now has nowhere to go
That is so beautiful. I have a friend who drinks Canadian club and ginger ale and its specific vibe for someone who has that as a signature drink. I love the geo cache idea. So special.
Normalizing conversations about grief is one of my life's passions. Just got back from my 7th summer volunteering as a counselor at grief camp, which has had a PROFOUND effect on my own grief journey (let alone what I've seen it do for the kids). I can't wait to read more in the book and think it's so brave and wonderful that you are both being vulnerable about your own experiences. xx
I appreciate you for dedicating your time to helping others with grief and would love to hear your recommendation on how I could also volunteer at grief camps!
The geocache! Beautiful🥹✨
I lost 4, FOUR, of the people closest to me in my life over the course of a 7 month span. During the entirety of that 7 months I was also 39 and pregnant with my only child. My best friend from 4 year old Pre-K thru being roommates at UGA died first and suddenly when we all thought she was safe. She had has breast cancer and was in official remission then her kids went back to school and as they do they brought home something they caught from other children and because her immune system was still weak from the chemo and radiation she fell very ill quickly and her fever went thru the roof and they could not save her. Then 45 year old sister had a heart attack while in the supply closet at work so no one saw her to save her. Then my 2 besties who were a couple died on the same day and they were a couple and that is too long a story to tell but these events combined with other grief inducing changes beyond my control gave me an unconscious aversion to my entire iPhoto catalog, social media, my email and voice messages. I avoided these things irrationally for years. I believe my body would not allow me to grieve as I normally would have because I was pregnant. I was of course sad, shocked, devastated but I did not weep as much as I wanted to. I could not. It just would not come. After I had my daughter it did come and I could not go to Target because I’d see a random T-shirt and tears would pour out of my face. I literally had to stay home and this was met with much criticism from my mother and a few others who ridiculed me for NOT going out with my infant daughter. The doctor called it postpartum but I knew it was residual grief to my very bones. I allow people as long as they need to grieve and when someone’s friend or sibling or dog dies I tell them the truth, “you will never get over it” because many do not. I didn’t. And that is ok because even though it sucks you will live and that is life. I do not see why we are conditioned to pretend it is or will be ok. I can be “NOT ok” about a death and still be positive in other aspects of my life. These 2 things are not mutually exclusive.
I’m sorry you had to go through all of that unimaginable pain, but I’m proud of you for recognizing your residual grief and for listening to yourself - and I’m happy to hear you on this platform sharing your grief <3 :)
such beautiful ways of keeping someone's memory alive. i think i might steal some of those to honour my gorgeous mum who we lost last year (F1 wasn't her thing though, so not that)
I lost my dad 7 years ago, and I do so many of the same things. When top gun: maverick came out, I sobbed because top gun was his favourite movie and I know he wouldn't have loved rooster. I forced myself into liking rugby by putting it on every time the team/s he loved were playing because I felt close to him. I even played for a season. Every year on his anniversary, I go swim in the ocean no matter what the weather is because he would have hated the fact that I'm not appreciating all the little things that are right in front of me. I save dragonflies that get stuck under my verandah because mum saw a psychic just after he died and the psychic said whenever she saw a dragonfly, that was dad coming to see her.
Those "weird" things are where we put all the love we had for them that now has nowhere to go
That is so beautiful. I have a friend who drinks Canadian club and ginger ale and its specific vibe for someone who has that as a signature drink. I love the geo cache idea. So special.