Tinder Bans Fish Pics 🐠
+ A Duolingo dating app and other April Fools jokes 🤭
Happy April to all of you angels!!! This weekend was spent largely with the Close Friends - I made the Shit You Should Cook About focaccia and baked Ricotta (FINNEAS was impressed even.) For anyone who knows me (AKA all of you) I hate cooking - it’s not my strong suit, and I always cook things and then get the ick from them as I’m eating them??? Like if someone else made the exact same meal I would think it was delish but it’s like I don’t trust myself or something!! Idk - are any of you like this?? Anyway I’m using SYSCookA to try and wrestle me out of this hatred for cooking, and it worked this weekend!
And then I got to watch the F1 live with all the Close Friends (and my real life friend Sacha lol.) I’m not here to give you spoilers, but WHAT A RACE. It was such a pleasure to watch it in this timezone for once, and I was SO jealous watching all the Australian influencers get to walk the grid etc (it HURTS to see someone living your dreams 🥺🥺🥺) Sacha is an Enneagram number 5 so it was also good watching it with her because she could look up/ explain to me all the bits I didn’t understand!!!
If you want to be a Close Friend and experience all this cute insanity with me LIVE (and get all our other bonuses) we’re still running out supporter sale for 20% off annual subscriptions! Love you all!
An April Fools round up
My April fool from high school
A new episode of Own the feels all about Jealousy
Trump indicted (or indicated, as he put it)
Gwyneth Paltrow is Gwynnocent
An April Fools round up
No one likes April fools’ day more than the marketing team of a company that wants to seem edgy. And honestly, I love it! And I fell for a few this year (mostly because I have no concept of time these days, and also because by the time all these US brands do it it’s like April 2nd for me lol.)
Tinder banned all fish pics
Ok how come all I can think about right now is the Fish Dicks joke from South Park (if you know you know.) Anyway, Tinder’s April Fool was that they were immediately becoming Fish Free. This is from their press release:
Fish flaunters beware! Tinder, the world’s most popular dating app, is saying enough is enough to “Fish Pics,” moderating profiles to oh-fish-ally remove everyone’s least favorite type of photo, once and for all.
For those (blissfully) unaware, a “Fish Pic” is the puzzling phenomenon where singles add photos to their dating profile posing with a fish they’ve caught. A recent Tinder study revealed 92% of singles reported “getting the ick” after coming across a potential match’s fish pic.*
The Duolingo dating show
This one also got me - WHY AM I SO GULLIBLE!? I thought I was a challenger! Not an enthusiast! Anyway, Duolingo pranked that they were starting a dating show called ‘Love Language’ (fucking great name) where ‘flirty singles’ live together but none of them speak the same language.
According to Variety:
In an early April Fools’ Day stunt, Peacock announced a new show with language-learning app Duolingo: “Love Language,” purportedly following 10 “confident and flirty singles” from across the globe coming together “to share a house in paradise in hopes of finding true love.” The catch: None of them speaks the same language.
The setup for the faux Tower of Babel-style dating competition goes like this: The sexy singles must take daily Duolingo language lessons and find a match by the end of each episode — or they’ll be kicked off by “the show’s iconic host and merciless judge, Duo the Owl.”
Another prank that I just saw ON THE BBC that I loved:
Sarah Polley told to return Oscar in 'cruel' April Fools' prank
A letter turned up to Canadian film-maker Sarah Polley’s house saying:
Sorry but this is hilar and I love it.
That time I pranked my whole school for April Fools
I wrote this last year but since we have so many new besties here I’m sharing it again!
Back in 2015, I was the Head Girl of my high school, and one of the things (for whatever reason) I really wanted to do was make a big deal out of April Fools' Day (ya girl loves a prank - ok?) The prefects and I had three things in mind. Two were simple and one was elaborate.
The first prank consisted of breaking into the senior management corridor before school and filling the deputy principal's office with balloons. It sounds harmless, but the balloons were literally top to bottom, and he had to pop his way through them to get to his desk. The next prank was telling everyone at our full school assembly that the year 12/13 formal was cancelled (damn we were brave - that event was the only thing keeping half of us in school!) I will admit, no one really bought that one (maybe they knew that there is NO world where I would cancel a party?)
The third prank was fooling everyone into thinking that we had a real-life celebrity band coming to perform on the quad at morning tea.
To lay the foundations of the prank, the prefects and I started a rumour on YikYak (remember YikYak? The anonymous app where you could literally say anything you wanted and everyone in your location could view it and vote on it?) About a week in advance of April Fools' Day, we started posting messages like “I hear something big is happening at MGC next week” or “omg, I just found out a celeb is coming to school and I can’t tell anyone.”
WE EVEN GOT THE LOCAL RADIO STATION INVOLVED, WHO SAID ON AIR THAT THEY’D SEEN A PRIVATE JET LANDING IN OUR SMALL TOWN. (I’m starting to think that maybe I single-handedly started this whole fake news issue…)
Anyway, with the rumour well and truly started, we had to actually execute the prank. We gathered the four male teachers in the school at the time, and for some reason, they agreed to be our celebrities. We named them ‘Two Direction’ and had them learn “I Want It That Way” by the Backstreet Boys (they got to pick the song.) After about a week of rehearsals, they were ready.
Before first period on the big day, we set up four microphones on a stage in the quad, so the school could start chatting. YikYak was POPPING OFF (by this point we didn’t even have to post anymore, other people had just bandwagonned) with people saying things like “omg I just saw a black car with tinted windows driving through town - must be coming to MGC!”
When the time came, and the quad was packed with girls, the car we’d borrowed (it was one of the teacher's cars with tinted black windows - yes we really did think of it all) drove the ‘celebrities’ through the school to the stage. When they got out, they were met with the most wholesome mix of disappointment (we’d all been pranked!) and laughter (why do our teachers have wigs on?), but Two Direction performed their song, got their standing ovation, and it was just a great time.
Here’s a newspaper article that was written about it (yes, I did contact the local media, no, I can’t believe it either) but let me give you some excerpts:
“The promised arrival of mystery celebrity musicians at Marlborough Girls' College had hundreds of screaming students packed into the school quad for possibly the biggest April Fool's Day prank in Marlborough.
College head girl Lucy Blakiston said she and the prefects at the Blenheim school had been working on the prank for about two weeks; spreading rumours that famous musicians would be visiting the school towards the end of the term.
The ruse seemed to work, with social media abuzz about a possible visit by indie-pop duo Broods or reggae group Six60.”
More FM also got involved and fuelled the gossip fire by broadcasting that a private jet had been seen landing at Marlborough Airport, and an unidentified group of people had been whisked away in a car with blacked out windows.”
The prank came together when all the students were told to meet at the school quad during their first break this morning to see the celebrities.
Once they had been whipped into a frenzy a black SUV pulled up and the "band" 2 Direction – made up of four MGC teachers – appeared, much to the delight of the students.
Assistant principal and 2 Direction "lead singer" Julian Adamson said he and the other teacher-band members were really pleased with how well the prank had gone.
"They put so much effort into it and did really well to do something exciting that also didn't upset anyone," he said.
Lucy was equally pleased.
"It went as well as we could have hoped for," she said.
I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS STORY HAS ONLY JUST COME BACK TO ME AND NOW I GET TO SHARE IT WITH YOU. This just goes to show that I have always been the exact same weirdo who loves social media & loves to prank.
LET’S TALK ABOUT JEALOUSY
A new episode of Own The Feels for you today, all about JEALOUSY!
Why, when we break-up with someone, is jealousy often our overriding emotion? I mean it makes sense - you’ve put so much time into this person, you might have even helped them grow into a healthier version of themselves, and now you don’t get to have them in your life anymore? It sucks - but we’re here to help. We give you a few tips on how to curb the jealousy, how to spot when it moves into obsessive territory, and how to focus on YOU, rather than on them.
Ugh and thank you all for your jealousy stories - you’re just like me FR!
Now some stories that AREN’T pranks:
Trump got fucking indicted
But he seems to think he got ‘indicated’
Anyway, this is actually kinda cray - he’s the first ex-US President to face official criminal charges!!! Wow.
So what it means is that Trump has been formally charged with a crime for allegedly paying hush money to Stormy Daniels in the lead-up to the 2016 election. Even though paying off Daniels isn’t a crime, if it’s found that Trump falsely lodged the transition it could be seen as falsifying business records which is a misdemeanour in NYC.
He’s probs NOT going to go to prison for this, but he will get mug shots and fingerprints done, and naturally, I’ll keep you in the loop when we get those.
Gwyneth Paltrow is Gwynnocent
Sorry for how many times you’ve heard a version of that joke, but Gwyneth Paltrow has been found “not liable” for her collision with optometrist Terry Sanderson in Park City in 2016. I must say, I’m kinda fatigued by celebrity trials, so I did not really pay attention to this at all. But, according to NBC’s summary:
“Terry Sanderson sued Paltrow for $300,000, alleging that reckless skiing caused her to run into him from behind on Feb. 26, 2016. Sanderson said he suffered four broken ribs, a concussion and lasting brain damage that affected his daily life and personal relationships.
Paltrow, who has repeatedly denied running into Sanderson, countersued for $1 and her legal fees.”
The trial went on for a week and they found that Gwneth was not liable for the accident. Here’s a timeline if you’re interested!
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ok but i would actually watch 'love language' lol can this pls happen
I like "Absolutely!" "You bet!" "Sure thing!" or more formally, "My pleasure!" to avoid the whole you're welcome vs. no problem/worries debate.